I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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