your room smells of hookers.
And success
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
