I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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