Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
