I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
