Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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