omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just high enough for therapy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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