i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone came in the potted fern
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
