I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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