Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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