i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
