dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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