I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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