Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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