I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
