I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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