Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
