I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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