I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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