i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
