It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
