I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
