She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
