Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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