apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Randomize
