I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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