I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Randomize
