Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
