Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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