So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
