bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
