I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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