Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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