Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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