I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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