I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
