I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
