I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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