this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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