yea but for you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?