So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She bit a glass in half.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
