at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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