It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel