the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
