I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
