No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
