Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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