Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
