So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
