My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
