Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize