What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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