I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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