I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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