I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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