The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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