:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I intend to get homeless drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
