Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
