i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
