but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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