sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
