The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
