Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i drank out of a bidet.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
