i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
