Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
