Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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