he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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