Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
