Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
