I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
