he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
