I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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