I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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