im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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