so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
