I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
honey bunches of taint.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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