I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
