guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
