he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
