but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
