dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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