watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
