i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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