how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
